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Richard Richard
Richard Richard (Richie) is perpetually optimistic, boring, sexually repulsive, clinically insane, cowardly, violent, perverse, loud, obnoxious, dimwit. He is Edward Elizabeth Hitlers best friend/housemate/companion/Archenemy and spends all of his time, fighting with Eddie, masterbating, and boring Eddie to tears with his constant prattling He is played by Rik Mayall Fictional Character Biography Richard Richard comes from a fairly wealthy and degenerate family. His father was a pervert who sold secrets to the Nazi's during the second world war, and was in fact a close personal friend of Hitler, whilst his mother was a prostitute. He was frequently abused when he was young, describing an incident to Eddie where he was beaten relentlessly whilst running around naked by his father (he also remembers seeing another boy being beaten whilst running around naked in the same area). His wealthy Aunt supplies him with money which is how he is able to afford his flat, though she only supplies money to him occassionaly and Richie and Eddie are often forced to use cheap tactics to get her to write checks for them, such as saying "I am a sad orphan" in a sad voice, throwing water about the place to make it look as though they have been crying, and killing their pet goldfish to make it look as though they are so poor they have to eat their pet to survive. Richie despise his roommate Eddie, but realises he is such a perverted, boring, repulsive individual he would never ever make another friend other than Eddie, whilst Eddie who despises Richie just as much realises he needs him, as Eddie has never been able to hold down a job (described by Richie as some "Vast Slug" that hangs around the flat all day) and therefore is forced to rely on Richies charity. Despite the fact that the two are eternally entwinned and know it they still find it difficult to hide their intense hatred for one another. Of the two of them Eddie finds it easier to hide his contempt and hatred than Richie does, in the earlier episodes Richie will often attempt to ruin Eddies life out of sheer contempt for him with examples being, turning off his favourite programme (even though it is Miss world which Richie would very much love to masterbate over)and spoiling his birthday by glueing up the letter box by so Eddie can't get any birthday cards and pretending to be ill and cancelling his birthday party. However later in the series Richie becomes deluded and actually believes that he and Eddie are "Great mates" whilst Eddie at the same time ironically develops such an intense hatred for Richie that he attempts to kill him many times, he even builds both a coffin for his shredded remains and builds a grave marked "The fat twat is dead hooray piss here" The two regularly engage in incredibly violent, over the top, slapstick fights, described by many as like a live action cartoon. The two men punch, kick each other, twist each others nipples, stick poles, forks, pencils and their own fingers into each others eyes, set fire to one another, slame each others heads in fridges and doors, hack each others limbs off with chain saws and hit each other with keetles, hammers, frying pans, fire extinguishers bottles and cricket bats. Eddie wins 90percent of these fights and even keeps a journal of them. According to Eddies journal he has won not just in fights but in everything several thousand times whilst Richie has never beaten him (this is an exaggeration however, as while Eddie has certainly won the vast majority of their fights he has lost to Richie on some occassions.) Richie later discovers much to his dismay that all he has to say to Eddie is "I give in" and Eddie will stop thrashing him to a bloody pulp, he is utterly horrified to learn that for the last 25 years he could avoided being thrashed to a spec so easily. Though Richie believes himself to the more intelligent of the two of them and often gets Eddie to do life threatning dangerous tasks by telling him he is the stupid one, Eddie possesses far greater general knowledge than Eddie and is in fact quite talented and creative, he spends hours trying to teach Eddie how to play chess and creates not only a new form of lager (weapons grade lager) but also a time machine which he dubs the TURDIS. Richie often tells exageratted or ridiculous lies which get him into trouble (such as telling a Falklands ex serviceman he fought there for twenty years) in addition to losing most of his fights against Eddie he also is beaten regularly by other people including, the Falklands ex serviceman who smashes his face after hearing his lies, the boyfriend of a woman he tires to chat up and a man in the pub lavatory who used all the papers of the encyclopedia he was cheating at a pub quiz with as toilet paper. Richie has a microscopic penis which he mistakes for his one and only pube, he is also a virgin though he did once come close to sleeping with a wealthy insane women only to suffer a massive heart attack mere seconds before he was about to sleep with her. He was also once involved with a women called Ethel Cardue who he was going to propose to until Eddie shagged her. Richie is apparently bisexual as though he regularly oggles beautiful women he also has tried to sleep with Eddie many times and once demanded that Eddie take him roughly from behind. Richie is also very racist having a particular hatred for the French. Ater a series of mishaps, including taking ecstasy, stealing an ambulance, and murdering several people in their disasterous double act "That great arsehole and Norman" Richie and Eddie were forced to go on the run. They ended up living on a tropical island for many years (1997 to at least 2001) Richie struggled while living on this island, with his diet causing him to violently shit and vomit everywhere, though this did save his and Eddies life when a group of vicious cannabals attacked and Richie vommited over them. The duo later escaped the island and made their way back to their flat where they later went on an adventure through time and space with Eddies new time machine the TURDIS. They eventually travelled back to the beginning of time and discovered the meaning of everything was pants. Notable Victories Against Eddie *Richie once punched Eddie off of a Roof. *Richie once persuaded a gangster to kick Eddie in the bollocks. *Richie once electrocuted Eddies brain when he wasn't looking. *Richie once kicked Eddie in the testicles so hard they dislodged. ﻿Notes and Trivia *Richie has a love hate relationship with god. He regularly prays to god in times of danger and god will sometimes answers his prayers and help him out only to abandon him usually because Richie will will insult him once he has gotten what he wants. Richie also once believed that he was the reincarnation of the virgin mary. *Richie is similar to many other characters Rik Mayall has played throughout his career, he is called Richard which many of Mayalls other characters are also called such as Rick ( a shortned version of Richard) Richie Rich from Filthy Rich and Catflap and sir Richard Dangerous. All of these characters are portrayed as pompous, sadistic and perverse, they also usually get beaten up by a character played by Adrian Edmondson. *It is possible that Richard Richard is Richard Twat from Guest House Paradiso under an assumed name as the two characters are very similar. Category:Rik Mayall Characters Category:Bottom Category:LGBT characters Category:Characters who have attempted suicide